Men, you know we love you right? However, there is some shit you do that gets on the nerves of us melanin women! Even though we tolerate it; just imagine how much more nicer, and loving we would be if you didn't do half the shit you did!... We would probably suck your dick more often, iron your clothes (even if you don't have a job), cook you breakfast, prepare lunch, and cater dinner to you. We would rub your feet, might even pay your phone bill complimentary! We would not nag you after you were out all night with your boys! We would do some amazing shit for you! If you stop doing the listed things below. Please read, apply, and try!
Somewhere, someone, at some point in time, taught you that lying was OK. Not sure who, but they convinced you that lying was going to make us happy. That it will protect us, and save you from a wrath. Honey. You are going to get that wrath 10 times worse when we find out you lied versus telling us the truth. So why not save you the category 5 hurricane when you could have just got severe thunderstorms. Jus' sayin'. It's so annoying to have to know you're lying, and listen to you lie about it lol Because we're going to be the crazy ones for finding out you lied. Your lie might be good for the first layer, but when you add more lies on top of lies; it falls apart, right into our hands.
Tell me what you want in the beginning, and stick with it fellas! If you come into my life all excited and looking for a relationship. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, when shit get serious; you all scared and change your mind to not wanting anything serious. Just keep it real from the jump, and say that you just want to have a good time, and kick it. Koo! We can do that. When you're inconsistent I'm confused if I should continue dating other people, or continue dealing with your inconsistent ass. FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT!
3. No Foreplay
Nothing turns me off more, than a man that rushes into sex. If you invite me over to chill (I know there will be fucking involved) however, do not immediately start aggressively kissing me, and shoving your fingers down my pants. You're going to feel a dry ass cooty cat. It doesn't take much. Here are some suggestions.
Cook me some bomb ass food. Or order some bomb ass food.
Give me a strong, secure, sensual hug.
Tell me I look beautiful
Let's watch some porn.
Engage in some stimulating conversation.
Rub on my body, lightly.
Give me eye contact
Play with my nipples
ANYTHING! Then I will create juices for you, in order for your manhood to slide pleasurably inside me. I'm sure I speak for a lot of women when I say; "Sex is so much better when there is foreplay."
4. No Ambition
And not ambition to become a rapper! It's OK as a hobby, but when you broke and tryna make it; that shit is not sexy. Sorry to break it to you, but you have a .001% chance of making it big.
A no ambition having ass man is such a turn off. If you are still looking for a "plug", get from 'round me. If you're a grown ass man making minimum wage, and you ain't got a felony, so you really don't have an excuse, then get from 'round me. If you are standing outside the gas station talking about "I got that loud", selling dimes & nicks... Sir, get from 'round me. If your income is coming from robbing and stealing, get from 'round me. If you are still living wit your mom, dad, aunt, uncle, and you have no plans on moving out anytime soon; get from 'round me! If your day consist of playing 2k16 all day, and smoking black & mild's... You called it! GET FROM "ROUND ME!
Being broke is OK when you have a plan of doing something great, and life changing. All your money is tied up making shit happen. But if you're broke, and doing any of the above; you will never have a beautiful woman by your side hoping one day things will be better; because they wont, you have ZERO ambition.
5. Send annoying text
We just meet and we get to talking, and conversation has been on and about me the whole time and you hit me the "Tell me something" text. Bye!
You see me having a good time with my girls, or travelling across the world and you decide to text me "no invite?" Um.. NOO!
It's been about a week and a half, of me being busy or occupied! I look at my phone.. "Oh so you a stranger now?" You will get no reply.
We use to rock hard for a long time, then all of a sudden we lose touch. I'm over it. But you still thinking about me. So I get the "Hey big head" text - 6 months later.
Can we just dead this "send me a pic." I just met you 15 minutes ago, calm down. Go to my Instagram or something. I don't know what kind of pic you were hoping for, but you're not worthy of anything more than a selfie taken in my car.
Wyd - Do I need to say more?
We're having flowing text conversation, and I step away from my phone for a just few minutes. If you send me a "hello?" text followed by a longer follow up"hellooo?" or "????" You will get blocked!
If I like you, I might find this semi cute, for a few days. But if I'm not sure if I even wanna hang out with you again; and you're still sending me "Good morning" text at 7:45 AM when you wake everyday at the same time each day, and I don't reply. Get the picture already and stop texting me! Text me "Do you want to grab breakfast" and maybe you'll get a reply!
6. Double Standards
I won't put on my feminism pants today, but I will say this. When you are a man that gets upset at a woman for doing things that you do, it's annoying! Even as simple as you getting mad because I want to wear my tight Victoria Secret workout booty shorts and a sports bra to work out. Yet, it's OK you to wear gray sweat pants. There may be men looking at me, but EVERY SINGLE WOMAN is looking at you.
You won't "allow" us to continue to have male friends when we're dating. But you can keep being friends with your female friends. I'm keeping mine, if you're keeping yours! (*petty*) As little as these double standards may be, they get on our nerves! Just remember you do not make the rules playa.
7. Selfish Nut Busting
Men, please stop getting your nut, and then be done. We deserve a nut too!
Ladies, I'm keeping this short and sweet because I will be touching on this later, don't worry.
8. Non-Handy Ass Man
A man, should want to do the heavy duty shit around my house. He should want to fix things that he know damn well I won't fix. If you can't even fix my running toilet you might as well grab a tampon and watch The Notebook with me, while we talk about boys. If your hands are softer than mine, I will create a DIY project for you to do. A non-handy ass man is so unattractive.
9. Stunt with money
This absolutely gets on my nerves. When guys post pictures on Instagram with all their money, just waiting to get robbed. How about you grow up and get a checking account. Also, men who pull out their entire wad of cash just to pay for my frosty at Wendy's, it's so unnecessary.
If you are buying the newest Jay's and you trying to put my number in a Metro PCS phone, stop stuntin'! What really grinds my gears is the dudes that rock a YSL, or Gucci belt and still riding on public transportation. Boy bye.
10. Bash Black Women
Love who you want to love fellas, but in that process DO NOT disrespect the women who stood by yo snot nose, nappy headed, raggedy, broke ass! The fact that you can shame an individual that looks like your mother, and your grandmother is appalling to me. A man like you can NEVER be trusted. So we are glad to not have you wanting us. We will continue to treat our chocolate men like kings, because we love them! We even wish you the best, and hope that you find your way out of self hate.
Men, everything you do does not get on our nerves. There is one thing that could never get on my nerves..
*speaks to penis* We love you, we thank you, we appreciate you.
You is smart, you is kind, and you is BEAUTIFUL.